hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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