I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she told me i tasted like america
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
