Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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