every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
