my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
