dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
