true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I forget how to act sober
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
