the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
