mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
