sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
