I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
