a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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