Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
