Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
