We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
