I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
