Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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