I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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