She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
