Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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