Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
