chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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