Don't you send me to vm
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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