sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
