could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
