Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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