I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
