That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
