So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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