Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
