I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
