Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
