yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
