My cat gives me a boner
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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