WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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