He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
