I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We're too hungover to prance.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
