You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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