Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
