I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
