Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
