Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
