I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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