I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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