New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
