3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
