I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
