So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
