trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Too much gin, very little bucket
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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