So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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