Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
